You can ensure you have the appropriate expectations for your divorce by following these 10 guidelines.
1. Don’t Expect to “Win” Your Divorce Case
Many divorcing couples begin with the intention of “out-court fighting” their spouse. Divorce seldom produces a genuine winner. Various concerns, including child custody, child support, and property split, are often involved in a divorce. Divorcing partners rarely get what they want. For instance, one husband could be granted primary physical custody of the children but get considerably less spousal support than asked; attempting to “win” is useless since it is nearly hard to distinguish between the “winner” and the “loser.”
Instead, think about the outcomes of a full-fledged legal dispute before you choose that route. In a contentious divorce fight, your children can suffer more than the thousands of dollars you will spend. After the smoke clears, you can quickly forget who “won.”
2. Don’t Make Important Decisions Without Thinking Them Through
A divorce involves a lot of choices that might change your life. You may need to decide if you need to sell the family house. Avoid the need to resolve quickly so that the situation may be closed. You must take the prospective outcomes into account while making significant decisions.
3. You’re Getting Divorced: Your Kids Aren’t
It is simple to get engulfed in the excitement of the moment. However, speaking negatively about your spouse in front of your kids might have a long-lasting impact. According to psychological research, the more a divorce involves conflict between the parents, the worse it is for the kids.
It always helps to allow time to reflect before saying anything harsh. Counting to 10 before responding to a question or making a comment is an easy guideline to remember.
Additionally, your children will keep in touch with their other parents unless there is a history of abuse or neglect. No matter how angry you are with your spouse, it would help if you did not attempt to undermine or sabotage a positive parent-child relationship.
You can think considering having an experienced mental health professional talk to your kids about the divorce while also getting therapy for yourself so You are aware of how to satisfy their wants during this trying time.
4. Don’t Believe Everything Other People Tell You About Their Divorce
You can get suggestions from your friends who have already divorced on how your divorce should go. Unfortunately, the information and counsel you get from others may be false or incorrect.
Every divorce has a unique set of problems. Although your friends may think that what transpired in their divorce was usual, it is better not to base your choices on what they went through. Instead, trust the counsel you get from your lawyer, mental health specialists, and financial experts, all of whom are knowledgeable about the particulars of your situation.
5. Forget the Past. Prepare for the Future. Be a “Big Picture” Person
Focusing on all the negative things you believe your husband did throughout your marriage will keep you from moving on and making the best choices for your family. Think about the future and try to ignore the past. To get the most significant outcome for your family, go into the divorce to cooperate with your husband.
You may need more time to get preoccupied with unimportant issues like how to split the DVD collection. Once again, this may result from a partner or your inability to let go of a prior wound. However, the time (and cost) required to accomplish your divorce will rise with this strategy. Do not worry about little matters. Be a “big-picture person” instead, if possible. Make a few little sacrifices, and you will have more time for the essential things, like when you visit your kids.
6. Court Is Not All That It’s Cracked Up to Be
Ineffective divorce negotiations may lead to one spouse threatening to terminate them and file for divorce in court. However, traveling to a divorce trial costs time and money. The expense of a problem may deplete the often disputed assets. Even simple cases may go on for many days in court, costing thousands of dollars, and the spouses and their attorneys still need to be made aware of the judge’s ruling.
7. Consider Alternatives to Court
Most people believe that every divorce involves going to court. There are other methods to settle divorce disputes. The term “mediation” refers to a process where a mediator (a neutral third party expressly qualified to assist in divorce proceedings) mediates in-person conversations between divorcing couples and aids them in reaching mutual agreements. The mediator often advises a lawyer consultation for each spouse throughout the mediation process. These consulting lawyers don’t, however, show up for mediation sessions.
Each spouse employs a collaborative lawyer, and everyone agrees to settle the issue outside of court in a “collaborative divorce.” A group of experts is put together to help with the decision-making process. Along with the lawyers, the typical team includes a neutral financial expert, such as an accountant or a financial consultant, mental health specialists who serve as “divorce coaches,” and child specialists. The spouses and their collaborative team deal with each problem in the case via in-person discussions, emails, and phone conversations.
The ability of divorcing couples to make their own choices is the main advantage of mediation or collaborative divorce. For instance, a court may use a typical timetable in many previous models when splitting parenting time. The spouses may create the optimal parenting arrangement for the needs of the children via cooperation and mediation.
However, there are situations when going to court is the only option. You must submit a request for a protection order, for instance, if your spouse assaults you or your kid. Or, if you need your spouse’s urgent financial help, you may need to seek a court to grant you interim alimony and child support. If so, it is advisable to concede that you must appear in court and get assistance from a lawyer.
8. Be Honest With Your Attorney and Your Spouse
For your attorney to thoroughly examine your case and provide sound advice, you must disclose all pertinent information. The truth could still surface even if you lie to your lawyer (for instance, your spouse might learn about secret information through a third party or by looking over records). However, by then, your unwillingness to be upfront may have already hurt your case and your chances of a favorable outcome.
In the same vein, you need to be truthful with your partner. In Kentucky, divorce partners must voluntarily reveal any relevant information and paperwork about their earnings, spending, possessions, and debts. In addition, the legislation mandates that spouses update such information if new information becomes available.
The law takes these obligations very seriously. If a spouse disobeys, the judge may punish them severely. In one instance, the wife suppressed the fact that she had won $1.5 million in the Kentucky Lottery while filing for divorce. When the spouse learned, he told the judge about the cover-up. The court gave the spouse the whole amount of the lottery winnings, not just half.
9. Make Copies of Critical Documents & Assets
By thoroughly inventorying your house, you may maintain respect for furniture, accessories, and other significant possessions like an impressive wine collection or an expensive piece of art.
- Use the front page of that day’s newspaper to produce a “timestamp” in each shot, preventing any claims that the picture was taken earlier. Take pictures of every object, even groups of little things like dinnerware.
- Keep your pictures in a secure location.
- Get appraisals or request insurance inventories of the goods in your list, and make a record of every item with its location and approximate worth.
Despite the stringent disclosure requirements, some divorcing partners may conceal or destroy important papers like prenuptial agreements. Making copies of crucial records as soon as you decide to file for divorce or become aware that your spouse has done so can help you avoid this issue.
10. Have Reasonable Expectations
Divorcing partners can have objectives that are illogical or illegal. You need to grasp how the law relates to your situation and have a realistic expectation of the result if you want your divorce case to be concluded promptly. To learn more about your case’s likely outcome (s), you should speak with a lawyer.